I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
