I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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