i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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