I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
