I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
