I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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