you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
