It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
