To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
