does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
