I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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