she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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