I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
