Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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