i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
