i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Randomize