Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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