There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
nutella sex= disaster
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
So much rum. So many feels.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize