Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
