i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Less talking, more tequila
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
