So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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