Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Randomize
