she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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