Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
