i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
