The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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