I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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