i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
