Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
So much rum. So many feels.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
