I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Liz is crying about burritos again.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I love you. Go after that dick
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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