My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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