I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
