if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
two words...techno handjob
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
