I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
