I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
