i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize