A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
