I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
