...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
