i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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