I'm eating all of the evidence.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
