This girl is more easily done than said...
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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