Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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