Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
