i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
