She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
