In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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