before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Randomize
