"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
