We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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