What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
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