if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
