he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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