I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
My life is pants optional.
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