So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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