she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
