I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize