That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
