what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
