I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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