So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
