We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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