i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
