My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
