You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I know her cup size but not her name....
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
