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Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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