If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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