No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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