I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
